“DAD… dad, please… Dad, I am not Mom, I am not Barbara. I am your daughter Mary.”Dad reached out and took my hand. “I know hon, I know. You just look so much like your mom when we were dating…”“You need to find yourself a girlfriend, Dad.”Dad had tears in his eyes. “I really do miss your mom.” He replied.“You miss mom, so you take my panties. How does that explain anything?”As long as I live, I will never forget his eyes.He reached out and brushed my hair with his hand. “You have her hair and face, you smile the same way, and you even laugh the way that she did. You look just like Barbara did in our early years of marriage.”“But I can’t be Mom for you dad. I am your daughter, Mary.”“I know that, Girl. I’m not crazy. But please understand that so much of you, is your mom.”~ ~ ~When my father has sexual interludes with my panties, the sexual nature of his behavior was undeniable. He was sexualizing me, his daughter, whatever his protestations that he was only missing mom.It was. I came up empty; I could not think of anything that I did or didn't do three years in the past or four years ago or even last week that would lead Jan to think I loved her any less, or that I didn't respect her or value her as a wife. So I guess this problem was all her and not me. She is the one who strayed, and because she got away with it once, she tried for a second time. Since I never caught on, I guess she felt she could continue, and I would be none the wiser.It pained me deeply that she had just thrown me to the wayside; it was like she was dumping week old garbage into the can. I was like that to her. Somehow she lost her respect for me and our marriage, and she turned against me. I'm sure that there was still some love for me, or we would not be having sex so often, but that intimacy was now gone for me, circling the drain just like our marriage. God I'm so glad that we never had children. If we had I might have stayed for their sake, but then too they may not have even.
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